Unsent Letters

Sometimes love letters don’t have to be sent.  Sometimes they are an exercise in understanding and forgiveness.  

There is a lot going on in my life these days so I practice good self care and get myself to the chiropractor a couple of times a month.  My doc has begun using a new technique called KST lately.  I might tell you more about that in another post but for now, let me say that it works right into the core to identify root causes of physical symptoms.  This week at my appointment he brought to my attention a family relationship that is causing some of my current discomfort.  This is not something that I have been thinking about but I am holding it in my body.  It’s been there for quite a while and my body is beginning to insist on action.   Now would be a good time to call it up and deal with it.  Not the person, mind you, but MY issue.   

In another scenario in my life…..a recent incident….

Something flared up out of the blue. A friend and I had a disagreement. It was not a simple one, but one that created a very strong reaction for her and developed into a personal confrontation. It felt pretty icky and I could not go on as if life was good. I just wanted it to go away! 

 

In this kind of situation, I may find things to distract me for a little while, like a movie or food or even an event with others.  I must confess that I am even tempted to call people who I know will sympathize with me and dish about it, but that will not bring me peace and it will not get me to my happy place.  No, I must address the issue.  My issue.  

There are several good tools for this.  One of the first that I found in my life and one that continues to be helpful at times is “The Love Letter Technique” from Dr. John Gray. 

 “The love letter technique is a way to share and express the complete truth for resolving emotional conflict both within yourself and in your relationships. It is not only a powerful tool for emotional healing, but through practicing it, you will learn more about your own feelings and what it really means to tell the truth.  Heart graduates report that in a matter of minutes, they are able to resolve emotional conflicts that would otherwise have seemed impossible and been repressed.”

The Love Letter Format

To write a love letter, begin by expressing your anger, resentment and blame and allow yourself to move through the other levels until you get down to the love. Each love letter has five parts - and the following lead-in phrases may help you if you become stuck at one level and need to move into the next.

1. ANGER AND BLAME
I don't like it when...
I resent...
I hate it when...
I'm fed up with...
I'm tired of...
I want...

2. HURT AND SADNESS
I feel sad when...
I feel hurt when...
I feel awful because...
I feel disappointed because...
I want...

3. FEAR AND INSECURITY
I feel afraid...
I'm afraid that...
I feel scared because...
I want...

4. GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry that...
I'm sorry for...
Please forgive me for...
I didn't mean to...
I wish..

5. LOVE, FORGIVENESS, UNDERSTANDING AND DESIRE
I love you because...
I love when...
Thank you for...
I understand that...
I forgive you for...
I want...

Remember: If you want to feel better, write a love Letter!!

I used this tool many times over the years and it brought me to understanding and peace rather quickly.  When a relationship challenge shows up, this can be one powerful process.  At one point I made a list of all the people close to me and worked through each one.  It wasn’t that I had anything going on with them at the time but there were things that I had repressed, especially with close family members.  I felt that this technique helped me clear a lot of old stuff and that feels soooo good.  Why wait until is comes into play during a new issue, why not clear it now while things are smooth?   Then, you are better off when the next challenge appears. I'll be writing one of these today.  

Sue

Heart of Prosperity

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