“What do you wish would happen before the end of the day?”

I would like my friend, M,  to find out that her breast cancer is not worse than originally thought, that she may not be looking at more extensive surgery, that she would not have to think about giving up her breast.  I wish that she would find out that she had no cancer at all. 

I heard the news late last night that her scans came back and the doctor has found a few more trouble spots.  When I read this, I felt pretty level about it.  I stayed in my rational mind and thought about the support she might need now with this additional scare.  I did not allow myself to feel it at that point.  It was all in my thinking.  When I decided to post this you tube video on facebook,  I took the question on.  “What do you wish would happen before the end of the day?”  That is when the dam broke.  That is when I started to see what she is facing.  When I started to write my answer, this wish that I have today, it became very real.  Now I am releasing as I write, tears rolling down. 

When I think about her cancer, or any illness I am at the point where I do not accept that anyone is a victim.  I know this is happening for a reason.  I know that it is part of a process for her to become more, to realize that she is more.  I have seen people choose conditions for many reasons.  Some come through it and they are stronger, more compassionate, less fearful of life, less fearful of death.  Some use it as a way to leave, giving family members ample time to prepare, to grieve, to adjust to life without them.  My grandmother did this.  Some part of her seemed to know what was coming and she initiated a move so that my grandpa would be near family.  She then took her time getting him settled in while she discovered and proceeded to exit this planet from her cancer.  My grandpa had a very hard time with her passing.  He was deeply depressed.  He took to sitting in his chair watching soap operas most of the day.  He hardly moved, except to go to this local bakery that had discounted pastries and cakes.  He would go there and come home with bags of sweets baked goods.  He missed her so. He chose to zone out. He eventually started to get involved at church, made new friends, found a new wife and lived another 20+ years. 

 

I do not know what M has ahead of her.  I wish today that she had no cancer, but as she does, I will hope that this will make her stronger.  I hope that no matter what happens, in the end she realizes that she is something much more than a woman with two children, two breasts, a long distance lover and a desire to find meaningful work in a world after divorce. With a busy schedule that includes school, work, kids, friends and more, I hope that she understands that beyond the struggles to make ends meet and find time for everything, there is a wise and beautiful spirit that has the capacity to be fearless, full-filled, and joyful.  I hope that she realizes more of her own power, seeing her wisdom, her abundance and her limitlessness.  No matter what the process looks like..No matter what…with life or death,  I believe that she will emerge from it brighter.  Beyond our humanness, that is what we ARE doing.  We are becoming Brighter. 

So my wish for today…is that M sees how Bright she really is! 

Sue

Heart of Proserity

BTW,  When I asked M if she was good with my blogging about her cancer and my experience as a friend, she was all there.