Unsent Letters

Sometimes love letters don’t have to be sent.  Sometimes they are an exercise in understanding and forgiveness.  

There is a lot going on in my life these days so I practice good self care and get myself to the chiropractor a couple of times a month.  My doc has begun using a new technique called KST lately.  I might tell you more about that in another post but for now, let me say that it works right into the core to identify root causes of physical symptoms.  This week at my appointment he brought to my attention a family relationship that is causing some of my current discomfort.  This is not something that I have been thinking about but I am holding it in my body.  It’s been there for quite a while and my body is beginning to insist on action.   Now would be a good time to call it up and deal with it.  Not the person, mind you, but MY issue.   

In another scenario in my life…..a recent incident….

Something flared up out of the blue. A friend and I had a disagreement. It was not a simple one, but one that created a very strong reaction for her and developed into a personal confrontation. It felt pretty icky and I could not go on as if life was good. I just wanted it to go away! 

 

In this kind of situation, I may find things to distract me for a little while, like a movie or food or even an event with others.  I must confess that I am even tempted to call people who I know will sympathize with me and dish about it, but that will not bring me peace and it will not get me to my happy place.  No, I must address the issue.  My issue.  

There are several good tools for this.  One of the first that I found in my life and one that continues to be helpful at times is “The Love Letter Technique” from Dr. John Gray. 

 “The love letter technique is a way to share and express the complete truth for resolving emotional conflict both within yourself and in your relationships. It is not only a powerful tool for emotional healing, but through practicing it, you will learn more about your own feelings and what it really means to tell the truth.  Heart graduates report that in a matter of minutes, they are able to resolve emotional conflicts that would otherwise have seemed impossible and been repressed.”

The Love Letter Format

To write a love letter, begin by expressing your anger, resentment and blame and allow yourself to move through the other levels until you get down to the love. Each love letter has five parts - and the following lead-in phrases may help you if you become stuck at one level and need to move into the next.

1. ANGER AND BLAME
I don't like it when...
I resent...
I hate it when...
I'm fed up with...
I'm tired of...
I want...

2. HURT AND SADNESS
I feel sad when...
I feel hurt when...
I feel awful because...
I feel disappointed because...
I want...

3. FEAR AND INSECURITY
I feel afraid...
I'm afraid that...
I feel scared because...
I want...

4. GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry that...
I'm sorry for...
Please forgive me for...
I didn't mean to...
I wish..

5. LOVE, FORGIVENESS, UNDERSTANDING AND DESIRE
I love you because...
I love when...
Thank you for...
I understand that...
I forgive you for...
I want...

Remember: If you want to feel better, write a love Letter!!

I used this tool many times over the years and it brought me to understanding and peace rather quickly.  When a relationship challenge shows up, this can be one powerful process.  At one point I made a list of all the people close to me and worked through each one.  It wasn’t that I had anything going on with them at the time but there were things that I had repressed, especially with close family members.  I felt that this technique helped me clear a lot of old stuff and that feels soooo good.  Why wait until is comes into play during a new issue, why not clear it now while things are smooth?   Then, you are better off when the next challenge appears. I'll be writing one of these today.  

Sue

Heart of Prosperity

You can find HOP on facebook:  

https://www.facebook.com/HeartofProsperity

“What do you wish would happen before the end of the day?”

I would like my friend, M,  to find out that her breast cancer is not worse than originally thought, that she may not be looking at more extensive surgery, that she would not have to think about giving up her breast.  I wish that she would find out that she had no cancer at all. 

I heard the news late last night that her scans came back and the doctor has found a few more trouble spots.  When I read this, I felt pretty level about it.  I stayed in my rational mind and thought about the support she might need now with this additional scare.  I did not allow myself to feel it at that point.  It was all in my thinking.  When I decided to post this you tube video on facebook,  I took the question on.  “What do you wish would happen before the end of the day?”  That is when the dam broke.  That is when I started to see what she is facing.  When I started to write my answer, this wish that I have today, it became very real.  Now I am releasing as I write, tears rolling down. 

When I think about her cancer, or any illness I am at the point where I do not accept that anyone is a victim.  I know this is happening for a reason.  I know that it is part of a process for her to become more, to realize that she is more.  I have seen people choose conditions for many reasons.  Some come through it and they are stronger, more compassionate, less fearful of life, less fearful of death.  Some use it as a way to leave, giving family members ample time to prepare, to grieve, to adjust to life without them.  My grandmother did this.  Some part of her seemed to know what was coming and she initiated a move so that my grandpa would be near family.  She then took her time getting him settled in while she discovered and proceeded to exit this planet from her cancer.  My grandpa had a very hard time with her passing.  He was deeply depressed.  He took to sitting in his chair watching soap operas most of the day.  He hardly moved, except to go to this local bakery that had discounted pastries and cakes.  He would go there and come home with bags of sweets baked goods.  He missed her so. He chose to zone out. He eventually started to get involved at church, made new friends, found a new wife and lived another 20+ years. 

 

I do not know what M has ahead of her.  I wish today that she had no cancer, but as she does, I will hope that this will make her stronger.  I hope that no matter what happens, in the end she realizes that she is something much more than a woman with two children, two breasts, a long distance lover and a desire to find meaningful work in a world after divorce. With a busy schedule that includes school, work, kids, friends and more, I hope that she understands that beyond the struggles to make ends meet and find time for everything, there is a wise and beautiful spirit that has the capacity to be fearless, full-filled, and joyful.  I hope that she realizes more of her own power, seeing her wisdom, her abundance and her limitlessness.  No matter what the process looks like..No matter what…with life or death,  I believe that she will emerge from it brighter.  Beyond our humanness, that is what we ARE doing.  We are becoming Brighter. 

So my wish for today…is that M sees how Bright she really is! 

Sue

Heart of Proserity

BTW,  When I asked M if she was good with my blogging about her cancer and my experience as a friend, she was all there.

Love Letter to My Mom

Dear Mom,

Today is Mother’s Day and I hope you had a very happy day.  You’ve been getting Mother’s Day wishes for over 50 years and you know how much I love and appreciate you for all that you did for me when I was growing up and over the years while I was growing my own family. 

What you may not know is how much you inspire me today!  Every day!  I love to tell people about you and how many good things you do and how you are still evolving.  While I see some older people declining physically, stagnating emotionally, mentally and spiritually, that is not at all the case with you.  You are physically strong and active.  You are challenging yourself to become better in every way and it shows and that is why you are an inspiration to me.  I am a bit frustrated with the language as I write this because I just don’t know how to put on paper the feeling that I have in my heart for you. 

I am happy when you drop by on Wednesdays after working at the church.  I enjoy hearing your stories about your work helping grieving families navigate through the planning for ceremonies for departed loved ones.  I feel blessed by the delicious organic greens, fruits and vegetables that you bring me from your own bountiful gardens.  I appreciate your observations of nature and your stories of love and caring for all the people in the family and community.  I think I am one of the luckiest kids ever! 

I am happy to reflect on these things and to have the opportunity to tell you just a fraction of the ways that you are important to me. 

With lots of love,

Sue

Unexpected Gifts!

I have two special Mother’s Day memories that I want to share with you. 

The first was a lovely day but one that did not seem too be much out of the ordinary.  I had two young children at the time; 2 and 5.  My husband did shift work and was not home so I was with the girls having a pretty normal Sunday afternoon until our cat Tehya decided to surprise us by having her kittens that afternoon.  The girls were thrilled.  I was thrilled and we had 6 new kitties to watch grow for the next 8 weeks. Though I knew the kittens were on the way, that was a very pleasant and unexpected Mother’s Day joy. 

 

 

The second was on a Mother’s Day when we took the whole family on an outing to hear a folk concert at Leu Gardens downtown. I had the girls in tow with sketchbooks and coloring gear to keep them contented while I enjoyed the music.   They happily and quietly got to work creating their art.  During intermission, we enjoyed a snack and drinks while looking at the gardens from the back porch in the big rocking chairs that look over a scenic Lake.  A woman who was attending the show walked up to me and complemented me on how delightful my girls were.  Then she presented me with a CD of the performers of the day and said, “Happy Mother’s Day”.  This was so unexpected!  I felt so grateful and honored.  She then explained to me that her own mother had passed on a few years ago and since then, every Mother’s Day, she finds a mother in her community who demonstrates the qualities that she admires in a mother and gives them a gift.  How cool is that!  I will never forget that day! 

To all the Mom’s out there and those who nurture and care for others, I wish you unexpected delights tomorrow. 

Happy Mother’s Day!

Sue

Heart of Prosperity!